Rejoyce Wilson-Herbert is the founder of National Information Resource Services (NIRS), an organization committed to educating people on the home care industry. Currently residing in Newport Coast, CA, Rejoyce is the General Manager of MemorialCare Home Caregivers. She is also a nationally recognized advocate for the elderly
and is one of the most highly-sought after speakers in her field. She is a proud mother, grandmother and great-grandmother and continues to work hard and help people realize their own goals.In the past, I have read stories about wrongfully incarcerated people who have forgiven their accusers. One such story is the extraordinary case of Ronald Cotton; an apotheosis of true forgiveness. In 1984, a woman in North Carolina identified Ronald Cotton as the man who had raped her. Consequently, he spent eleven years of his life behind bars. In 1995, DNA evidence exonerated Cotton, proving that he was not the rapist. Despite spending eleven years in prison for a crime that he did not commit, the words Cotton chose to use when confronting his accuser were, “I forgive you.” Not only had he forgiven her but according to an episode of 60 Minutes, the two of them talk on the phone regularly and even wrote a book together.
How are some people able to let go and forgive wrongs that are so egregious, while others hold lifelong grudges for petty offenses? Who benefits from forgiveness; the person who is being forgiven, or the person who offers forgiveness? In most cases, the answer is both.
We all have the power to forgive or condemn, but forgiveness is more cathartic. Those who choose condemnation over forgiveness seek to punish those who have wronged them; an eye for an eye. But oftentimes, seeking revenge requires people to hold on to potentially debilitating anger and bitterness. Conversely, those with a conscious who warrant either pardon or punishment benefit when their feelings of guilt are appeased by forgiveness.
In this day and age, perception is reality. Cable television and social networking sites allow lies about a person to spread rapidly and turn them into pariahs. In such circumstances, it is easy for people to resort to wanting vengeance for the lies that wrongfully destroyed their credibility. But a life free of vengeful desires and bitterness is usually enriched by creativity, exuberance, and positive thinking. Many cultures believe that those with negative thoughts about another may create a reality of those thoughts that could impact their lives with the same disaster they wished upon the person or persons who had wronged them.
Are you the forgiving type, or do you believe in an eye for an eye? Is there someone who you need to forgive for the wrong done to you or your loved one? In my experience every time I chose to forgive I became free to love, laugh, and enjoy life.
Oscar Wilde once said that “when you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and set you free.” Forgiving releases you from the punishment of a self-made prison, where you are both the inmate and the jailer. The next time you are wronged, try a little forgiveness; give yourself the gift of freedom to live a happy, healthy, and prosperous life.
In closing, I would like to thank Monique Imarah for her contributions to this article.